6-28-2011

I feel like an empty shell right now. It seems like life and creativity has been sucked out from me and there's this hollow space enveloping my very being. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to tell everybody how hard it is for me to lose myself, my persona, this person inside me. But I can't. I don't have the guts. I don't even know why I feel like this. This feeling of being left alone by things you can't hold, things that exist but intangible. I feel like this person writing this is not the same person from two years ago. Something's changed.   Like for a brief moment of time, a spark, something disappeared and it took everything. I just can't write anymore. I can't draw anymore. I can't sing anymore. I can't talk to people anymore. It is very depressing and lonely yet sometimes it feels like it is what I wanted. There's something else happening. I am crippled by the emptiness and it is not helping me in any other way. Even reading books, which used to be my refuge in times of grievances, is making me sad and doubtful. I am not me anymore, yet it is me.

There is something wrong.